2008 Woodie Awards
Roommates: An interdisciplinary science
Dilan Brown
Issue date: 2/22/06 Section: Life
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Every year thousands of colligates learn about roommates what the health sciences learned long ago about the collective American people- it rarely works out. Not often do we appreciate the non-formal educational endeavor we undertake when settling into our tiny postered dorm rooms with that mysterious figure from Salmon, Missoula, or Cameroun. But if we were to utilize this dynamic for our individual good then perhaps we would become the renaissance citizens our folks humor themselves about back home. Firstly, roommates, for whatever teeth-gritting, angry note exchanging, spite-speaking purpose they serve, will stand as the mirror by which we'll come to view our own character. The trick is to be patient and observant of what you learn while you're stuffing your pillow over your face trying to fall asleep at 4AM to Lil' John's hacking lullaby.
Anthropology: Think the cannibalistic peoples of the Congo are difficult to understand and appreciate? Well Jo Shmo Roommate has a few archaic tendencies that'll upend your teetering tolerance meter. There are whiskers scattered frightfully close to your poor toothbrush, and you could have sworn you had a few more Pop-Tarts last time you checked. And they're the sociable type that with open arms accept visitors late into your dwindling nighttime/sleepy time? Well buckle down young one, for in this struggle lies a most beneficial lesson: Social Relativism-the notion that you will objectively view the doings of others while refraining from judging them by your own hard-earned biases and double-standards. So maybe in a rush they shaved and ran and placed your Oral-B in harm's way. It'd be wise to simply take precautions with your possessions. And the late-night visitors? Well it's difficult-college is a tiresome pilgrimage, but they've paid their rent too, so breath easy. They had to fight for their right to party too. Solution: wear yourself out during the day. Study a bit more, run some stadium stairs at Holt; you'll sleep like an over-fed, drunken Hobbit. I wanna be, wanna be like Samwise.
Anthropology: Think the cannibalistic peoples of the Congo are difficult to understand and appreciate? Well Jo Shmo Roommate has a few archaic tendencies that'll upend your teetering tolerance meter. There are whiskers scattered frightfully close to your poor toothbrush, and you could have sworn you had a few more Pop-Tarts last time you checked. And they're the sociable type that with open arms accept visitors late into your dwindling nighttime/sleepy time? Well buckle down young one, for in this struggle lies a most beneficial lesson: Social Relativism-the notion that you will objectively view the doings of others while refraining from judging them by your own hard-earned biases and double-standards. So maybe in a rush they shaved and ran and placed your Oral-B in harm's way. It'd be wise to simply take precautions with your possessions. And the late-night visitors? Well it's difficult-college is a tiresome pilgrimage, but they've paid their rent too, so breath easy. They had to fight for their right to party too. Solution: wear yourself out during the day. Study a bit more, run some stadium stairs at Holt; you'll sleep like an over-fed, drunken Hobbit. I wanna be, wanna be like Samwise.