2008 Woodie Awards
Through the looking glass
A collection of weird and off-beat news from around the world.
Mike Pingree(MCT)
Issue date: 1/31/07 Section: News
- Page 1 of 1
I'LL NEVER TRY TO KILL YOU AGAIN, DARLING, I PROMISE
A Russian banker, on vacation in the Crimea with his wife and two bodyguards, went looking for her one night and found her in a bar with another man. They dragged her back to the hotel, and, after drinking a lot of vodka, put her in a barrel and threw her into the ocean to punish her for her infidelity. She was rescued by passing fishermen. The husband apologized profusely, and persuaded her to drop the charges.
THOSE BABIES NEEDED SOME AIR, OFFICER
A couple was arrested on the highway in Asheville, N.C., while riding in a stolen car. They caught the attention of the police because the woman was standing up through the sunroof naked from the waist up.
BURGLARY? NEXT DOOR? I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING, OFFICER
A man broke into the apartment of an elderly woman in Wisden, England, and stole all her furniture, rugs and television sets, and moved the stuff into the vacant apartment next door where he had been squatting for months.
I BELIEVE I WAS QUITE SUAVE AND CHARMING
Some heavily intoxicated interlopers crashed a wedding in Davidson Mains, Scotland, but, when police arrived to evict them, they were attacked by the groom, of all people. He had consumed "a significant amount of alcohol," and was arrested for throwing wine glasses and a beer keg at them. Appalled at his drunken behavior, the new bride left him and went to live with her family in Dalkeith. The groom is having trouble remembering the incident.
LIKE TO JOIN ME FOR A BANANA DAQUIRI,
MY SWEET?
At Chimp Haven in Caddo Parish, La., a home for older chimpanzees, all the males receive vasectomies. Despite this, a female chimp named Teresa got pregnant and turned up carrying a newborn, much to the amazement of staff members. The males are currently undergoing paternity tests.
EXCESSIVE TICKETING? US? DON'T BE SILLY
Police in Yonkers, N.Y., have suddenly increased the number of tickets they are issuing, and the mayor accused them of doing this to bully officials into settling their contract. A TV news crew went to police headquarters to investigate, and were told that there is no ticket blitz. When the crew got outside, they found a parking ticket on their van.
PROFILING? DID SOMEONE DETECT A TREND?
After Prince Albert police arrested the only black person in Saskatchewan, Canada, they were accused of racial profiling.
NO NEED TO SEARCH ME, OFFICER, HONEST
A man came to court in Athens, Ala., to answer a stolen property charge, carrying a $5 bag of marijuana in his pocket. When a court officer began to search him, the guy tried to swallow the dope. He failed. "I don't know what he was thinking," one officer said.
I'M SICK I TELL YOU! WHAM!
Two men in Bahrain tried to get a day off from work due to illness, but a doctor found them to be in good health, and refused to sign a medical slip. So they beat him up.
A Russian banker, on vacation in the Crimea with his wife and two bodyguards, went looking for her one night and found her in a bar with another man. They dragged her back to the hotel, and, after drinking a lot of vodka, put her in a barrel and threw her into the ocean to punish her for her infidelity. She was rescued by passing fishermen. The husband apologized profusely, and persuaded her to drop the charges.
THOSE BABIES NEEDED SOME AIR, OFFICER
A couple was arrested on the highway in Asheville, N.C., while riding in a stolen car. They caught the attention of the police because the woman was standing up through the sunroof naked from the waist up.
BURGLARY? NEXT DOOR? I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING, OFFICER
A man broke into the apartment of an elderly woman in Wisden, England, and stole all her furniture, rugs and television sets, and moved the stuff into the vacant apartment next door where he had been squatting for months.
I BELIEVE I WAS QUITE SUAVE AND CHARMING
Some heavily intoxicated interlopers crashed a wedding in Davidson Mains, Scotland, but, when police arrived to evict them, they were attacked by the groom, of all people. He had consumed "a significant amount of alcohol," and was arrested for throwing wine glasses and a beer keg at them. Appalled at his drunken behavior, the new bride left him and went to live with her family in Dalkeith. The groom is having trouble remembering the incident.
LIKE TO JOIN ME FOR A BANANA DAQUIRI,
MY SWEET?
At Chimp Haven in Caddo Parish, La., a home for older chimpanzees, all the males receive vasectomies. Despite this, a female chimp named Teresa got pregnant and turned up carrying a newborn, much to the amazement of staff members. The males are currently undergoing paternity tests.
EXCESSIVE TICKETING? US? DON'T BE SILLY
Police in Yonkers, N.Y., have suddenly increased the number of tickets they are issuing, and the mayor accused them of doing this to bully officials into settling their contract. A TV news crew went to police headquarters to investigate, and were told that there is no ticket blitz. When the crew got outside, they found a parking ticket on their van.
PROFILING? DID SOMEONE DETECT A TREND?
After Prince Albert police arrested the only black person in Saskatchewan, Canada, they were accused of racial profiling.
NO NEED TO SEARCH ME, OFFICER, HONEST
A man came to court in Athens, Ala., to answer a stolen property charge, carrying a $5 bag of marijuana in his pocket. When a court officer began to search him, the guy tried to swallow the dope. He failed. "I don't know what he was thinking," one officer said.
I'M SICK I TELL YOU! WHAM!
Two men in Bahrain tried to get a day off from work due to illness, but a doctor found them to be in good health, and refused to sign a medical slip. So they beat him up.
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