ISU Bengal

Issue date: 2/21/07 Section: Life

Dear Annie,

I have just met the most wonderful guy here at college. I want to get to know him better, but we're not the same race. I don't have a problem with it and neither do my friends. I asked my mother what she thought and she said it is difficult to be in a mixed relationship. She also said that we would face a lot of prejudice and that we should think twice about bringing children into that situation. I want to have children; so I'm afraid. But he really is the nicest guy. I don't want to miss out on a great relationship because of racial issues. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Falling Head Over Heels



Dear "Head Over Heels,"

Personally, I think there is more of a barrier if the two of you come from completely different cultures. If you come from different countries and you were to marry you'd ultimately end up living closer to one family than the other. This could cause conflict between your families about 'taking sides' and 'playing favorites,' whereas if you grew up in similar places with similar circumstances the merging of your lives would be a lot smoother.

However, your mother might have a point. Relationships can be hard enough without throwing other challenges in the mix. But you may be jumping the gun a bit. Just because you like him and "want to get to know him better," does not mean you're going to marry him and have his children. Maybe you should just see where the relationship goes and if it takes you in that direction the two of you can then talk about all the possible future difficulties.

The world has varying views on biracial couples. Although the overall sentiment and hope is that the color lines are fading there are some prejudices that have been able to stubbornly hold on. As a biracial couple you might face more challenges than other couples, such as, feelings of disapproval and the fear of being judged constantly (although those feelings may be little more than paranoia.)

Biracial babies do have the problems (and advantages) that come from having a foot in both worlds; however, it is certainly a growing phenomenon. According to Princeton University: 100,000 biracial babies have been born each year since 1989. While the number of monoracial babies has increased by 15 percent since the 1970s, the number of multiracial babies has increased by 260 percent.

The biggest challenge multiracial children face is the struggle they have to define their sense of self. Questions of "Who am I?" and "Where do I fit in?" seem to influence the life of every child, but it can be even more challenging for biracial families struggling to fit into society's stereotypes. But with a strong support group at home and the efforts of parents beautifully integrating both cultures and family histories any child can grow to be a happy, well balanced adult.

I don't think you need to be afraid, but I do think you need to weigh all of the possibilities. What are you willing to live with, or live without? I agree that you shouldn't miss out on a great relationship because you are afraid of crossing barriers or because you fear what others might think.

I wish you luck and happiness in your new adventure,



-Annie

Please send all questions to: isuaskannie@gmail.com

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