2008 Woodie Awards
Through the looking glass
A collection of weird and off-beat news from around the world.
Mike Pingree ; (MCT)
Issue date: 3/7/07 Section: Opinion
DUDE, I COULD HAVE SWORN
THEY WERE HERE
Two young men, who had apparently been smoking lots of marijuana, called police to report that they were holding two burglars who had broken into their apartment in Reno, Nev. But, when the cops arrived, there were no burglars. The men explained that one of them woke up to find the bathroom door locked, leading them to believe the burglars were in there. They slipped notes under the bathroom door to communicate with them. Police found the notes in the empty bathroom, and arrested the young men for possession of 23 grams of marijuana and 10 bongs.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO
BETTER THAN THAT! STAB!
Police were called to a home in Lulea, Sweden, in response to a call that a woman stabbed her boyfriend. The man told police that his girlfriend knifed him after they had sexual relations, and she found his efforts to be "disappointing."
SIC `IM, KING! _ AND GOLDIE,
FANG, DEXTER, FIDO...!
A man broke into a building in Edmonton, Alberta, right next to a site where dozens of police dogs were being trained. He was apprehended shortly after he inadvertently set off the alarm.
TAP, TAP, EXCUSE ME... UH, MA'AM ... COULD YOU STOP FOR A MINUTE?
A woman became so overwhelmed with passion that she suddenly stopped her car in the fast lane of a major highway in Jerusalem to engage in sexual intercourse with her boyfriend. Other motorists, who had to swerve around the vehicle, called the police. The couple were still doing it when the cops arrived.
THINK YOU HAVE A JUVENILE DELINQUENT PROBLEM?
Gangs of long-tailed macaque moneys have been breaking into homes adjacent to nature preserves in Singapore, stealing food and "soiling the premises." They have also been knocking over trash barrels and brawling on the streets.
A PERFECT COUPLE: FARTSIE AND THE DRUNK
A heavily intoxicated British pop singer "blew her top," and threw a punch at her groom at their wedding reception after he asked her to stop drinking because she is seven months pregnant with their third child. They wound up sleeping in separate rooms on their wedding night, but her publi
cist explained that that was because the groom had been suffering from excessive flatulence.
DID I SAY `TWIN BROTHER'? I MEANT IMAGINARY FRIEND
A man accused of violent attacks against a police officer and two grand-jury witnesses as well as carjacking and solicitation to murder testified that all of the crimes he is accused of were done by his twin brother. Alas, the prosecution proved beyond a doubt that he has no twin brother.
I FEEL A BREEZE... OH NO, RUN!
A severe weather drill in Atlanta was postponed due to severe weather.
LET'S SEE, FIVE CENTS A POUND TIMES... WHAT IS IT, 200 TONS?
Two men in Macedonia stole two 30-foot bridges. They were caught when they tried to sell them to a scrap yard. The proprietor became suspicious when the thieves showed up there with 20 trucks loaded with 200 tons of steel.
THEY WERE HERE
Two young men, who had apparently been smoking lots of marijuana, called police to report that they were holding two burglars who had broken into their apartment in Reno, Nev. But, when the cops arrived, there were no burglars. The men explained that one of them woke up to find the bathroom door locked, leading them to believe the burglars were in there. They slipped notes under the bathroom door to communicate with them. Police found the notes in the empty bathroom, and arrested the young men for possession of 23 grams of marijuana and 10 bongs.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO
BETTER THAN THAT! STAB!
Police were called to a home in Lulea, Sweden, in response to a call that a woman stabbed her boyfriend. The man told police that his girlfriend knifed him after they had sexual relations, and she found his efforts to be "disappointing."
SIC `IM, KING! _ AND GOLDIE,
FANG, DEXTER, FIDO...!
A man broke into a building in Edmonton, Alberta, right next to a site where dozens of police dogs were being trained. He was apprehended shortly after he inadvertently set off the alarm.
TAP, TAP, EXCUSE ME... UH, MA'AM ... COULD YOU STOP FOR A MINUTE?
A woman became so overwhelmed with passion that she suddenly stopped her car in the fast lane of a major highway in Jerusalem to engage in sexual intercourse with her boyfriend. Other motorists, who had to swerve around the vehicle, called the police. The couple were still doing it when the cops arrived.
THINK YOU HAVE A JUVENILE DELINQUENT PROBLEM?
Gangs of long-tailed macaque moneys have been breaking into homes adjacent to nature preserves in Singapore, stealing food and "soiling the premises." They have also been knocking over trash barrels and brawling on the streets.
A PERFECT COUPLE: FARTSIE AND THE DRUNK
A heavily intoxicated British pop singer "blew her top," and threw a punch at her groom at their wedding reception after he asked her to stop drinking because she is seven months pregnant with their third child. They wound up sleeping in separate rooms on their wedding night, but her publi
cist explained that that was because the groom had been suffering from excessive flatulence.
DID I SAY `TWIN BROTHER'? I MEANT IMAGINARY FRIEND
A man accused of violent attacks against a police officer and two grand-jury witnesses as well as carjacking and solicitation to murder testified that all of the crimes he is accused of were done by his twin brother. Alas, the prosecution proved beyond a doubt that he has no twin brother.
I FEEL A BREEZE... OH NO, RUN!
A severe weather drill in Atlanta was postponed due to severe weather.
LET'S SEE, FIVE CENTS A POUND TIMES... WHAT IS IT, 200 TONS?
Two men in Macedonia stole two 30-foot bridges. They were caught when they tried to sell them to a scrap yard. The proprietor became suspicious when the thieves showed up there with 20 trucks loaded with 200 tons of steel.
Be the first to comment on this story