2008 Woodie Awards
Through the looking glass
Mike Pingree(MCT)
Issue date: 4/4/07 Section: Opinion
HEY, LEAVE BOB ALONE!
A man broke into the primate enclosure at the zoo in Chessington, England, to steal a Bolivian squirrel monkey named Sponge Bob. But the nine other Bolivian squirrel monkeys in the cage did not take kindly to the kidnapping of their pal, and attacked the interloper jumping on his head and biting him, forcing him to flee.
OH ALL RIGHT BUT JUST THIS ONCE
A prison guard at a Florida correctional institution for women was arrested for having sexual relations with one of the inmates in her bunk. He explained to authorities that the woman had been persistently making advances, and he did it "so she would leave him alone."
STUPID EARTHLINGS, YOUR LAWS DON'T
APPLY TO ME
Police in Trenton, N.J., arrested a man for possession of a controlled dangerous substance and resisting arrest. So the man claimed diplomatic immunity as a member of the Abannaki "indigeneous nation" that includes people from Mars, Venus and "the so-called planet Earth."
I'M JUST TRYING TO DO WHAT THE JUDGE SAID
A teenager was ordered to take the bus to school after he was convicted of speeding in Valparaiso, Ind. Soon afterward, he was arrested for going 93 in a 45 mph zone. He told the arresting officer he was rushing home to catch the school bus.
OH GOD MOM, HOW COULD YOU?!
A 20-year-old Minnesota man sent a bizarre threatening letter to a woman he had a crush on in third grade, signing it "death stalker." But, the man still lives with his parents, and his mother, who mailed the letter, innocently put the man's name and return address on the envelope, thinking he was writing a friendly note to an old classmate. He was arrested.
WHAT IS THIS, THE CRIME OF THE CENTURY!?
A man in Traun, Austria, snatched a woman's purse not far from where police were staging a road safety day unbeknownst to him. So he was greatly surprised to find himself immediately being pursued by 27 police cruisers and many police dogs.
A man broke into the primate enclosure at the zoo in Chessington, England, to steal a Bolivian squirrel monkey named Sponge Bob. But the nine other Bolivian squirrel monkeys in the cage did not take kindly to the kidnapping of their pal, and attacked the interloper jumping on his head and biting him, forcing him to flee.
OH ALL RIGHT BUT JUST THIS ONCE
A prison guard at a Florida correctional institution for women was arrested for having sexual relations with one of the inmates in her bunk. He explained to authorities that the woman had been persistently making advances, and he did it "so she would leave him alone."
STUPID EARTHLINGS, YOUR LAWS DON'T
APPLY TO ME
Police in Trenton, N.J., arrested a man for possession of a controlled dangerous substance and resisting arrest. So the man claimed diplomatic immunity as a member of the Abannaki "indigeneous nation" that includes people from Mars, Venus and "the so-called planet Earth."
I'M JUST TRYING TO DO WHAT THE JUDGE SAID
A teenager was ordered to take the bus to school after he was convicted of speeding in Valparaiso, Ind. Soon afterward, he was arrested for going 93 in a 45 mph zone. He told the arresting officer he was rushing home to catch the school bus.
OH GOD MOM, HOW COULD YOU?!
A 20-year-old Minnesota man sent a bizarre threatening letter to a woman he had a crush on in third grade, signing it "death stalker." But, the man still lives with his parents, and his mother, who mailed the letter, innocently put the man's name and return address on the envelope, thinking he was writing a friendly note to an old classmate. He was arrested.
WHAT IS THIS, THE CRIME OF THE CENTURY!?
A man in Traun, Austria, snatched a woman's purse not far from where police were staging a road safety day unbeknownst to him. So he was greatly surprised to find himself immediately being pursued by 27 police cruisers and many police dogs.
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