2008 Woodie Awards
Through the Looking Glass
Mike Pingree
Issue date: 10/10/07 Section: Opinion
- Page 1 of 1
NOW HONEY, I KNOW THIS LOOKS BAD
An Australian cricket champion, whose marriage was in trouble because of his notorious womanizing, finally managed to patch things up with his wife before heading off to London. Once there, however, he immediately reverted to old habits, and text messaged his girlfriend to drop by, saying, "The back door's open." Unfortunately he mistakenly sent the message to his wife back in Melbourne.
THIS ISN'T IT, SIR, WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY AGAIN?
A police officer pulled over an 80-year-old man who he suspected of drunk driving. His suspicions were confirmed when, instead of giving the officer his driver's license as requested, he handed him a Polaroid picture of his genitals.
WHO'S CRAZY NOW?
The Philippines Supreme Court fired a judge because mental illness led him to believe that three elves were helping him predict the future. Not long afterward, the justices and their families were plagued by serious illnesses and car accidents. The fired judge said that Luis, one of his elf friends, was responsible.
SHE'S ASKING FOR AN ALL-FEMALE JURY
In Johor, Malaysia, where polygamy is legal, a man had sex with his older first wife, age 48, and then mentioned that his younger second wife was much better at sex than her. That's when she reached for a knife and slashed a very sensitive male area. He survived.
She is going to trial.
OK, I'M CALM NOW ... DOESN'T THAT BREEZE FEEL LOVELY?
A man ran up behind a woman at the Newmarket train station in Brisbane, Australia, pulled up her skirt, ripped off her panties, grabbed her purse and ran away. She was so shocked that she didn't realize that her bag had been stolen until she regained her composure sometime later.
THAT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO STUPID TO HAVE A JOB
Two would-be teenage burglars endeavored to break into a liquor store in Des Moines while it was still light out by cutting a hole in the roof. But, once on top of the building, they miscalculated and drilled through the overhang above the sidewalk in front of the store. To make matters worse, a woman passer-by spotted them and told them to knock it off. They jumped down and were filmed by a surveillance camera. She later told the cops, "You don't spend your days chasing geniuses, do you?"
I JUST LIKE TO MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY
A very attractive woman who dresses as a clown to entertain at children's birthday parties in England, was arrested while working her second job as a prostitute.
I'M ONLY THINKING OF YOU, MOM
While arranging for his wealthy girlfriend to meet his mother, a man in Dongguan, China, sent mom $250 to improve her looks. He felt that his mother, who cleans houses for a living, is homely and would feel uncomfortable in the presence of his fiancee.
OK, HOT DOG OR HAMBURGER ... WHAT TH- ...!?
Police in Xinzhu City, Taiwan, held a barbecue to celebrate the Moon Festival and invited the public to attend. They were astonished when one of the city's most wanted criminals showed up.
SOURCES: New Idea Magazine, Salt Lake Tribune, The Wall Street Journal, New Straits Times, The Courier and Mail, Des Moines Register, The People, Dongguan Daily, South China Morning Post.
An Australian cricket champion, whose marriage was in trouble because of his notorious womanizing, finally managed to patch things up with his wife before heading off to London. Once there, however, he immediately reverted to old habits, and text messaged his girlfriend to drop by, saying, "The back door's open." Unfortunately he mistakenly sent the message to his wife back in Melbourne.
THIS ISN'T IT, SIR, WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY AGAIN?
A police officer pulled over an 80-year-old man who he suspected of drunk driving. His suspicions were confirmed when, instead of giving the officer his driver's license as requested, he handed him a Polaroid picture of his genitals.
WHO'S CRAZY NOW?
The Philippines Supreme Court fired a judge because mental illness led him to believe that three elves were helping him predict the future. Not long afterward, the justices and their families were plagued by serious illnesses and car accidents. The fired judge said that Luis, one of his elf friends, was responsible.
SHE'S ASKING FOR AN ALL-FEMALE JURY
In Johor, Malaysia, where polygamy is legal, a man had sex with his older first wife, age 48, and then mentioned that his younger second wife was much better at sex than her. That's when she reached for a knife and slashed a very sensitive male area. He survived.
She is going to trial.
OK, I'M CALM NOW ... DOESN'T THAT BREEZE FEEL LOVELY?
A man ran up behind a woman at the Newmarket train station in Brisbane, Australia, pulled up her skirt, ripped off her panties, grabbed her purse and ran away. She was so shocked that she didn't realize that her bag had been stolen until she regained her composure sometime later.
THAT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO STUPID TO HAVE A JOB
Two would-be teenage burglars endeavored to break into a liquor store in Des Moines while it was still light out by cutting a hole in the roof. But, once on top of the building, they miscalculated and drilled through the overhang above the sidewalk in front of the store. To make matters worse, a woman passer-by spotted them and told them to knock it off. They jumped down and were filmed by a surveillance camera. She later told the cops, "You don't spend your days chasing geniuses, do you?"
I JUST LIKE TO MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY
A very attractive woman who dresses as a clown to entertain at children's birthday parties in England, was arrested while working her second job as a prostitute.
I'M ONLY THINKING OF YOU, MOM
While arranging for his wealthy girlfriend to meet his mother, a man in Dongguan, China, sent mom $250 to improve her looks. He felt that his mother, who cleans houses for a living, is homely and would feel uncomfortable in the presence of his fiancee.
OK, HOT DOG OR HAMBURGER ... WHAT TH- ...!?
Police in Xinzhu City, Taiwan, held a barbecue to celebrate the Moon Festival and invited the public to attend. They were astonished when one of the city's most wanted criminals showed up.
SOURCES: New Idea Magazine, Salt Lake Tribune, The Wall Street Journal, New Straits Times, The Courier and Mail, Des Moines Register, The People, Dongguan Daily, South China Morning Post.
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