2008 Woodie Awards
Through the Looking Glass
Mike Pingree
Issue date: 10/31/07 Section: Opinion
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HONEY, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE TELLING ME EVERYTHING?
A woman hit the Florida lottery for $28.5 million but failed to mention this to her estranged husband, from whom she had been separated for five years. She immediately went to court and obtained a quickie divorce _ asking for no alimony or child support _ so she wouldn't have to share the money with him. Court proceedings ensued when he found out about it.
HE WAS VERY SHORT, AND I BELIEVE HIS NAME WAS SEAMUS:
A man who had gone on a drug binge was caught sleeping in a parked car in Cincinnati. He told police who arrested him that a leprechaun had let him into the vehicle.
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, HE DID SEEM A BIT MORE PASSIONATE THAN USUAL:
A 40-year-old wife in Terengganu, Malaysia, had sexual relations in the dead of night with a man who was staying at their house. But when her husband came home and saw the other man leaving the bedroom, the woman filed charges against the houseguest, saying she had mistaken him for her hubby. Police found her story "strange," and said they "are a bit suspicious of her claims."
OFFICER, IT WAS AWFUL ... WHAT TV CAMERAS?
A store supervisor in Edinburgh, Scotland, stole money from the safe and had his friend beat him up so it would look like a robbery. Alas, he forgot to turn off the store's closed-circuit TV cameras before he did it.
ANYTHING TO SAY FOR YOURSELF NOW, BUB?
A 21-year-old man charged with drunk driving in Minden, Nev., was released after he promised the judge that he would not drink another beer or drive. A short time later, he was caught drinking a 12-pack of beer on the courthouse lawn.
NOW SHE'S REALLY MAD:
Suspecting her husband of infidelity, a woman in Brookline, Pa., endeavored to catch him in the act. When she saw his SUV parked in front of the home of the woman she suspected was his girlfriend, she crawled under the vehicle and waited. Unfortunately, she fell asleep, and someone came along and let the air out of the tires, trapping her underneath. A rescue crew freed her.
OH, THAT'S NOT MINE:
A man, who was pulled over in Bahrain for a driving offense, gave the police officer his license, before realizing that a piece of hashish was stuck to it.
WHEN SHE SAYS RUST, SHE MEANS RUST!
A woman who ordered rust-colored hydrangeas for her New York City wedding was more than a little peeved when the florist provided pink hydrangeas instead. Citing "extreme disappointment, distress and embarrassment," the bride is suing for $400,000.
FIRST GEAR ... CHUG, CHUG ... SECOND GEAR ... CHUG, CHUG:
A construction worker in Limbach-Oberfrohna, Germany, got hungry while on the job, so he went into a supermarket and stole a two-pound package of cheese. A store detective saw him do it and gave chase. The man tried to make his getaway in a cement mixer. He didn't get far.
A woman hit the Florida lottery for $28.5 million but failed to mention this to her estranged husband, from whom she had been separated for five years. She immediately went to court and obtained a quickie divorce _ asking for no alimony or child support _ so she wouldn't have to share the money with him. Court proceedings ensued when he found out about it.
HE WAS VERY SHORT, AND I BELIEVE HIS NAME WAS SEAMUS:
A man who had gone on a drug binge was caught sleeping in a parked car in Cincinnati. He told police who arrested him that a leprechaun had let him into the vehicle.
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, HE DID SEEM A BIT MORE PASSIONATE THAN USUAL:
A 40-year-old wife in Terengganu, Malaysia, had sexual relations in the dead of night with a man who was staying at their house. But when her husband came home and saw the other man leaving the bedroom, the woman filed charges against the houseguest, saying she had mistaken him for her hubby. Police found her story "strange," and said they "are a bit suspicious of her claims."
OFFICER, IT WAS AWFUL ... WHAT TV CAMERAS?
A store supervisor in Edinburgh, Scotland, stole money from the safe and had his friend beat him up so it would look like a robbery. Alas, he forgot to turn off the store's closed-circuit TV cameras before he did it.
ANYTHING TO SAY FOR YOURSELF NOW, BUB?
A 21-year-old man charged with drunk driving in Minden, Nev., was released after he promised the judge that he would not drink another beer or drive. A short time later, he was caught drinking a 12-pack of beer on the courthouse lawn.
NOW SHE'S REALLY MAD:
Suspecting her husband of infidelity, a woman in Brookline, Pa., endeavored to catch him in the act. When she saw his SUV parked in front of the home of the woman she suspected was his girlfriend, she crawled under the vehicle and waited. Unfortunately, she fell asleep, and someone came along and let the air out of the tires, trapping her underneath. A rescue crew freed her.
OH, THAT'S NOT MINE:
A man, who was pulled over in Bahrain for a driving offense, gave the police officer his license, before realizing that a piece of hashish was stuck to it.
WHEN SHE SAYS RUST, SHE MEANS RUST!
A woman who ordered rust-colored hydrangeas for her New York City wedding was more than a little peeved when the florist provided pink hydrangeas instead. Citing "extreme disappointment, distress and embarrassment," the bride is suing for $400,000.
FIRST GEAR ... CHUG, CHUG ... SECOND GEAR ... CHUG, CHUG:
A construction worker in Limbach-Oberfrohna, Germany, got hungry while on the job, so he went into a supermarket and stole a two-pound package of cheese. A store detective saw him do it and gave chase. The man tried to make his getaway in a cement mixer. He didn't get far.
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